"Lunch Time Rocks!"

Here is a journal entry describing my day today, starting at 12 am, when the day officially began.

I had just received “Hello McFly” via instant messenger. I gave it a listen, it rocked, I gave it a second listen, I went to bed.

I lay awake in bed.

I tossed and turned in bed.

I got up an hour later to check some windows updates I’d set the computer to download…while I was supposed to be asleep. While on, I IM’ed someone…and I was surprised to have them reply that God wanted me to read the Bible because I couldn’t sleep. I was convicted because I’d already heard the same thing. Why did I ignore that still small voice? Stupid me.

I lay awake reading Zecharaiah…2:5 read something like “I the Lord am a wall of fire around you.” God spoke to me, I wrote a couple poems, God spoke to me some more, I fell asleep probably just before 3 a.m.

…and that little demon known as the alarm clock woke me up at 5:15 a.m…I almost jumped out of my skin instantly, it seemed so loud. It felt as though I had been just awake…

At 5:55 a.m., I was knocking on the door at Sav-A-Center supermarket. After all, I was scheduled to work the morning shift, but the store doesn’t open till 6 a.m. apparently. After being let in, I realized this would be one weird, “Twilight Zone” type of cashiering shift. The lighting was weird…like in your dreams or something. There was only the store manager and two underling managers at first. There was barely any light outside. The manager still had his untied tie draped around the collar of his starchy shirt. We chatted as I helped him get the daily paper and stuff. I opened up on express lane #2. In the first hour, I probably only checked out 7 people. A cup of coffee helped me feel a little more alive…as alive as you can feel on this little sleep. It was strange seeing the supermarket like a bit of a ghost town…and I felt strangely privileged to see all the preparations the store managers have to accomplish while much of the world is still in bed.

After an hour, my coughing subsided some…and I started to feel conscious. The nice thing about the morning is customers are too tired to complain about anything, says one of the managers. She is apparently right. Then again…that’s only for the morning people shopping. I usually don’t think that much about the souls who are alive and grooving already at 5 and 6 a.m. on Saturday mornings…but today I, Joshua Clayton, not a morning person, was one of them.

Till about 7:30 I went back and forth from my register to stocking candy on the aisles. I was the only cashier for the first 3 hours…so things got busy as all the customers had to come my way. Some seemed frustrated…but hey ladies and gentlemen: you’re the ones who decided to shop before the sun has had a chance to get out of bed and shine once more.

After 10:30, it was tremendously busy in the spurts till 2:20 p.m., when I left. This was the busiest day I’ve seen working at the store, and I’ve worked there since late May. It’s strange…I kept getting this adrenaline rush seeing a bunch of people backed up and knowing we’ve got to clear it out. I find I work faster and more efficiently under pressure.

We’re trying to reduce our scan time at work…so there’s a strategy we’re using where if an old grandma takes forever to find her check, or someone runs to get another item…or there is some unseen delay, we’ll temporarily sign off. Because you see, the “scan time” includes the whole time we’re doing the transaction with the customer, until the cash drawer is engaged. And whether we’re scanning or not, it counts against us. Tara came out the office and told me I was at about 14 items per minute…that’d had been better than my usual 11…because now I was signing off and signing on probably literally 5 times for every customer…when there was any slight delay…even me having to double bag an item, I’d sign off to cut the scan time down and then sign back on with my four digit password quickly. It became a fun game to see how man rings per minute I could increase. The highest I could get to was like 15.5 something…that may seem slow per minute…but remember all the things that could interrupt the scanning process…

“Did the card take off for my green beans?”
“Excuse me, where are the garbage bags?”
“Please get me a liquor box to put all this booze in.”
“Please put everything in paper bags.”

OR

The item is not on file and someone has to run check the price.
I have to void an item because it costs too much.
The last customer left several items behind and I have to dash out and catch them.
A host of other niceties…

Got a paid fifteen minute break at 10:30. Stupid me, I didn’t sit down but 5 minutes, the rest of the time I walked around and even got more coffee cups out. But the time I did sit, I got some more java…aaah.

Even the front end manager admitted this was an awesomely busy day…when picking up my high value bills, I had easily over $1,000 in hundreds…not to mention all the other dough in the drawer…

All the while, I’ve got this lightheaded feeling like I have a balloon with hot air for a brain…yet God’s grace was apparently sufficient, so on little sleep I had a very productive day…

And when lunch time at McDonald’s for me came at 1 p.m., I surprised myself thinking aloud, “LUNCH TIME ROCKS!” I was hungry, folks.

Saw several people I knew from New Jerusalem Praise and Worship Center / seniors I knew from high school at lunch.

And I had this craving to listen to Hello McFly again when I got home, which I listened to and is now stuck in my head…and I’m a bit tired at 3:58 P.M…

…and I’m going to have a nap and I’ll post this to my blog later and…and and adn meh blah blah bleh blehandsdfl ;lkss ssd;lkjsajf;jsafsaj;18

**********************
2 ½ hours of naptime latter
**********************

Ouch. Did someone hit me on the head with a sledge hammer while I was out?

Shrimp creole is delicious. You should have some if you don’t know what I'm talking about…of course with a megadose of Louisiana Crystal Hot Sauce…

God's Little Wise Guys

Have you ever thought or asked the question, Why, God? I have.

The fact is this is evidence of rebellion latent within us, as a book I’ve been reading most painfully points out.  The author, a Chinese Christian who lived in the first half of the twentieth century, explains that there are several manifestations of the rebellion of mankind against God, which was originally introduced by Adam and Eve’s sin.  Eve, in essence, questioned, What’s so bad about eating the fruit off the tree, God?  This is one manifestation of rebellion:  reason.  As humans, we love to reason our way through life.  If it doesn’t “make sense” we avoid it.  The problem is that when we apply the force of reason to the will of God for our lives, we are rebelling against God’s authority.  To obey the will of God requires crucifying our flesh…denying human reason.

There’s a dc Talk song that brings out this point well.  “Mind’s Eye” is a song explaining how the heathen think we’re crazy for believing in a God we’ve never seen.  It defies reason to believe in the ability of Jesus Christ to save the world through a blood sacrifice.

I’ve gotten to thinking about this, and it’s really rather scary:  We can reason our way out of God’s will…or even into convincing ourselves that something is God’s will when it’s really our own wishful thinking.  I know I’ve been guilty of this countless times before.  But, here.  Let me give you a small sample of this section of the book concerning human reason.  The author puts it so much more beautifully and compactly.  I wish I had time to type the whole 7-page section of this chapter…because I honestly think you’d be astounded…I know I was.

But here’s a sample, where the chapter ends:

Spiritual Authority by Watchman Nee
“The Manifestations of Man’s Rebellion” – (pp. 97-98)

In Leviticus 18:22, each time God orders the people of Israel to do certain things, He interpolates a phrase:  “I am the Lord your God.”  This is not even prefixed with the preposition “for.”  It means “I so speak because I am the Lord your God.  I do not need to give any reason.  I, the Lord, am the reason.”  If you see this you will never be able to live by reason any more.  You will say to God:  “Whereas in the past I lived by thought and reason, now I bow and worship You; whatever You have done, because it is You who have done it, is sufficient for me.”  After Paul fell on the road to Damascus his reasonings were all cast aside.  The question he asked was, “What shall I do, Lord?”  He instantly put himself in subjection to the Lord.  No one who knows God will argue, for reason is judged and set aside by the light.

To argue with God implies that God needs our consent for all He does.  This is utmost folly.  When God acts He is under no obligation to tell us the reason, because His ways are higher than our ways.  If we bring God down to reasonings we will lose Him because we make Him one of us.  In reasonings we shall not have worship.  As soon as obedience is absent, worship is lost.  By judging God with our reason we set ourselves up as gods.  Where, then, is the difference between the potter and the clay?  Does the potter need to ask the consent of the clay in his work?  May the glorious appearing of the Lord put an end to all our reasonings.

Therefore, what I get out of all this is…

…you know when I, when you, will stop wanting to question why?  When we fall in love with Jesus.  Not a concept of Jesus.  I’m not talking about being religious.  Simply performing religious duties, like putting money in the plate on Sunday, going to church, reading, praying, singing, etc.  I mean spending personal time in God’s presence…getting to know God as not a concept…Jesus as not a mysterious awesome being floating around beyond our capabilities of comprehension…but Jesus Christ as the Friend who sticks closer than a brother.  Once we understand His love for us…that His commandments are there to preserve us…that the trials He brings us through are there to perfect us…

…then we will gladly submit to the spiritual authority of Jesus Christ.

Oh God help us not to have a head knowledge of you…not to just love you in name…but to fall IN LOVE with You…

And one other thing.  Sometimes I feel like I’m in God’s presence…and I get so close to entering into a place in worship where I actually see His glory…where I’m so close to…something big…having a powerful encounter…entering into a life of constant communion…

…but it’s only a fleeting moment.  So close yet so far.  Suddenly I feel *grrrrr*, like, Lord, I sometimes come close but never actually get to know You…

Anyone else had that?

Robots: Your Trusted Friends

I'm usually not big on Sci-Fi's, but I,Robot is worth a trip to the theater, perhaps.

Hey, it's the summertime. And you know what you get when you connect summer with the cinema: mindlessness.

But this movie was such fun mindlessness. It has a carefully contrived (or apparently so) plot that makes the whole robot takeover scheme seem so deep that the layman can't understand it...when perhaps the director's intent is to use so much mumbo-jumbo that the audience gets lost and figure, "wow, I'm actually watching an esoteric movie."

In any case, it's 2030 (I think that's the right year) in Chicago, a robot commits a murder which robots are supposed to be unable to do, Will Smith investigates it to find out he is the chosen one to stop a robot revolution by a new breed of robots that is able to think and feel thus defying the laws of robotics. Or something like that.

The fact is that there's enough mindless action and funny comments from Willy boy to keep things interesting. Some of my favorite quotes:

Will Smith to woman robot psychiatrist:
"You're the dumbest smart person I've ever met."

"Sonny" the Robot
"Dectective Spooner, what does this signify? [robot winks]"

Will Smith to random kid
"Stop cussing and GO HOME!"

Will Smith thinking out loud as a robot army appears from nowhere and commences to leap toward his Audi futuro car
"Aw heck no, I no my luck isn't that bad."

Will Smith to Sonny the Robot
Robot to Will Smith
"After all this time you seem to still be suspicious of me, Detective Spooner."
"Yeah, well, you know what they say about old dogs."

Anyhow, the movie gets almost campy at times...this is the kind of Sci-Fi I can appreciate. Where you're slightly thrilled and on the edge of your seat as the robots attack, but simultaneously humoured at their appearance and Will Smith's ever-present bad-to-the-bone evil eye squint and randomly amusing comments. And the the female psychiatrist character that ends up working with Smith in a love-hate relationship greatly adds to the overall humour of things with her pseudo-intellectualism.

To sum things up, I,Robot won't have you reaching into unused portions of your cranium but it will have you chuckling, at times excited, and in general quite entertained.

Hangnail Band Sings About T.V.

“The Sleeping Giant”
From the album Transparent

Picture-perfect ending should come as no surprise
We’ve watched the same bland story for all our lives
Flipping through the channels is such a waste of time
We hurry to the movies to get in line
And when the glowing glory is gone we make our way
Back to the real world
We try to clear the smoke from our eyes

No, we can’t live without it on
We can’t live without it, we can’t live without it
It’s hard to see the damage done
We can’t live without it, we can’t live without it, can we?

It’s hard to see the meaning, the sense the T.V. brings
Even when it’s sex that sells us everything
If there is one thing learned from this mock reality
It’s give me, serve me first, a selfish vain philosophy

No, we can’t live without it on
We can’t live without it, we can’t live without it
It’s hard to see the damage done
We can’t live without it, we can’t live without it
Just know life is broken in Hollywood
Life is broken, life is broken
Life is broken in Hollywood
Life is broken, life is broken

Life is broken in Hollywood
Take your chance, you take your chance
Life is broken in Hollywood
You take your chance, you take your chance

I Got High This Weekend

Calm down.  My righteous standard hasn’t degraded.  I didn’t do reefer.  It was a natural high.

My whole family got high this weekend.

Last night, we stayed in a tree house.

Now that I’ve got your attention…

My father has a great lawyer friend who is pretty much done with practicing law but owns an enterprise named Honey Rock, a woodworking shop.  He lives in a rural area of Louisiana about 45 minutes west of where I live.  Mr. Stuart McClendon and his wife, Lillian, are “elderly,” but only in name.  Mr. Stuart often displays more energy than that of a young child on caffeine...and the wisdom of a sage.  He actively continues building various types of wooden furniture…and his greatest achievement woodwise, as far as I know, is a tree house built on his property.

We’re not talking your childhood plank of wood nailed on top of several oak tree branches a couple steps from the ground.  We’re talking a literal HOUSE that’s at least 25 feet off the ground.

We arrived at the McClendon’s at dusk to their sprawling, beautiful, multi-acre property with blueberry groves, thick forested areas, and a picturesque house with a beckoning veranda.  We walk in.  My siblings and I play ping-pong upstairs while the steaks are on the grill.  After that, it’s dining with fine china, some of the plates 100 years old.  We chat with these two wonderful people who are not only tremendous servants but also passionate about Truth.  They send us off to bed for the night…

And there it just out into the night sky.  We drive through the blueberry orchard to the foot of the house, barely visible in the dark, because trees growing around it cover the structure with their lush vegetation.  We have to duck underneath some hanging bush branches and are greeted by a winding staircase that leads to the top.  But before we ascend, we note that when we unload our luggage in a few minutes, there is a contraption on the ground floor that can hoist our luggage from the ground by the operation of a lever at the top.  As we climb to the top, the sound of crickets chirping fills our ears…and there we are at the top.  Over 25 feet above the ground, with a view of the sky and some overhanging branches.  The porch on top has a barbecue grill and two porch springs constructed at Honey Rock, Mr. McClendon’s woodshop about 1/8 mile away.

And there it is.  It’s like someone stuck a small, two-story house on top of a huge mass of interlocking pieces of wood.  And it’s rather sturdy, although it rocks a little bit.  Walking in, there is a small living room, a kitchenette table set, a queen-sized bed in the corner, a kitchen, a bathroom with a shower…

…as lights come on to reveal a very homely home far above the ground floor…

I ascend the stairs to find three small “bedrooms.”  They’re each really the size of a walk-in closet, with a small cot, a small chest of drawers, and just enough room to stand.  A curtain separates each private bunk from the upstairs walkway.  The view from the windows upstairs are great.

At this point, as I walk downstairs, I realize, this is really one of those lifetime experiences.  “OK.  I’m going to spend the night sleeping in a tree house, a two-story mini-HOUSE in the air.”

It all starts to sink in.  This place has air conditioning, well water, all the comforts and amenities of any suburban American home…and everything is wood.  Beautiful wood…not rustic or rough, the kind you’d get splinters from.  But imagine the wood of a porch swing on display at the front of a furniture store.  The kind that’s smooth and flawless.  The whole house seems to be made of this type of wood.  And from the wood to the draperies to the furniture…

…the environment is one that makes you just collapse into the nearest chair and think out loud, “Now this is the life.”

Of course, we had to go back downstairs.  Not that we didn’t want to.  We got to load the luggage onto the box contraption and then go back up to operate a wire-machine thing that pulls it up for easy unloading.

You may wonder, “What did you do for the remainder of the evening?”  What else do you want us to do?  But relax of course!  It’s like your own private Swiss Family Robinson experience.  I played a little checkers and watched a couple minutes of The Gospel of John, but what else can you do…or would you want to do, but just sit out on the porch swing and be looking down on the rest of the world…

Anyhow, “bedtime” did come.  I took the opportunity in my cot upstairs, by lamplight, to read the liner notes as I listened to a new CD.  That was done about 12:20 A.M.

Apparently, my body wasn’t ready for sleep yet though.  I discovered that my little room, adjacent to my brother (Matt), was joined by a gap in the wall.  There was a little space big enough to allow objects to be passed (or thrown) from my room to his or vice versa…

It was fun to hear his “aah!” when my orange t-shirt came sailing over.  After that went back and forth and the snickering had settled down for fear of awaking the parents…I tried throwing a pair of underwear over the partition to his side.  (They were clean, ok?) 

Eventually, all kind of stuff was flying, I emptied my booksack out and tossed a load of laundry at the dude.  He played me though and threw my shirt downstairs.  I had to sneak downstairs without waking anyone to retrieve it.

What it came down to is that neither of us could sleep…so eventually that little gap between the top of the partition and the ceiling saw not only clothing…but also paper airplanes and even a conversation passed through it.  I listened to all the music I wanted until I was tired of tunes…

…everyone else was asleep.  And still I tossed and turned.  My throat hurt and spit kept accumulating in my throat making me choke, as I coughed (*yuck*).  I kept feeling like I might vomit.  Okay, I’ll stop with the details…

Push comes to shove, I slept 3 hours at most.  I was not a happy camper when I woke up.

But when I wandered downstairs there was a campfire going, with bacon eggs and grits being cooked in a skillet.  That’ll get anybody’s day going, even people on not much sleep.  Furthermore, those 2 cups of coffee helped…and the extra cayenne pepper and spike seasoning on the eggs was “wick-ed.”

After a fireside breakfast (put on by our hosts), something of interest caught my eye.  Matt had been given permission to drive the little golf cart around…

…soon I was cruising all around his Mr. McClendon's property on the cart.  I’ll tell you I find driving golf carts around rural acreage is more fun that highway auto driving.  Except some of the trails I took gave me a bad run-in with low-lying vegetation, namely thorn bushes.

Later on, we hitched a ride on a stripped-down pickup truck bearing a canoe and us in the cargo area down to the pond.

Matt, Hannah and I set sail in the canoe.  Now, if you’re a regular “Life and Times of Joshua Clayton” blog reader, you know I went on a P4P retreat last week and ventured on a body of water with no oars.  This time, friends, we had oars, and things went a lot easier.  We rowed around a few times and eventually landed at an island in the middle for some fishing.  Only caught one fish (and Matt caught it)…but it was fun.

After we were tired of the sun sizzling our skin, we headed back to the treehouse for some A/C and some lunch…

…followed by watermelon out on the porch.

Leaving was hard that evening, especially because it was straight from paradise to a meeting at work to get chewed out for not following procedures.  But such is life.  Suck it up.

I got home to a couple of nice mail items, including some money from my grandparents and…a DVD with Project Graduation on it (video footage of a class party on the night of my graduation).  It should be pretty funny.  It was clean fun…no alcohol or anything, put on my parents to provide games and prizes and food and stuff for kids on graduation nite.

This weekend with my family felt a bit melancholy as my time is running out till I’m in the brave new world at LSU.  This was probably my last “retreat” type outing with them.  Ok, let’s not boohoo or get sentimental yet.  We’ll have enough of that when they drive away on August 18th.

God is very good though.  I had an encouraging talk with my pastor’s wife Sunday.  I don’t know what I was ever thinking….being discouraged.  God is for me, not against me.  This summer has been … probably … the weirdest one ever.  For most kids who go off to college, they’re hell-bent on getting out of their parents’ house and hell-raising once they get there…but with kind loving Christian parents, it’s not like that.  Our family is very strong and we love each other to death.  Not to say I haven’t been frustrated for the past year or so with my parents over points of conflict that arise at this age…and yes I can’t wait to spread my wings and fly on my own…but the mix of emotions is rather odd at times.

I’m in the stage of saying goodbyes to the old and staring a bit hesitantly at the new.  I’m going to spend the night at my grandparents’ house for (perhaps) the last time next week.

But, on a different note…

Mr. McClendon said I could take a few buds and spend the night in the tree house when we come back from LSU.  And I was thinking of a different use…

…my future wife, whoever she may be, may find the place a romantic retreat on wedding night…I know I would.

“Josh, calm down kiddo.  You’ve still got a little wait yet.”

But just imagine!  Ah.  It would be such a challenge carrying the bride up a staircase…we could say we spent our first night together in a treehouse…have a campfire breakfast…

Josh

Here's another picture from the retreat mentioned below. Here I sit wiped relaxing as Ms. Cindy (a wonderful woman of God) jumped into view and took my picture. (This was right after the rowing expedition.) 

Here's a picture from the retreat described in detail below. The 3 musketeers...or something of a parody on that. From left to right: John, Stephen, and me (with my head that used to be shaved). We were in a goofy mood, but had a blast rowing across a small lake with only pine branches. (There were no oars!) We were also very tired. But it was tremendous fun. And I'd go out again and row with those dudes right now if I could. 

Transparent

I was running around trying to be ready on time to leave for the youth retreat yesterday (Friday) and something interrupted my busy-ness.
 
To my pleasant surprise, I had a package waiting.  I love getting packages in the mail.  This one arrived  much sooner than I’d anticipated.  It was a box of 6 music albums I ordered online.  The album I’d been anticipating most of all was Hangnail’s Transparent.  It’s obvious what kind of message is in store, with an opening track bearing the title “Survey of Self.”  I grabbed the box of CD’s and took it with me as I headed to…
 
…Passion4Purity (Passion For Purity) Summer Refuge ’04!  P4P is a youth group I attend, and I’d been looking forward to these 2 days up in rural Mississippi.  A chance to get away from my job for a couple days, to be strengthened by other people my age, and to just re-focus spiritually.
 
The name of this new CD that I’m enamored with became a theme of sorts for the retreat.  Spontaneously, the Holy Spirit moved in a way I cannot even fitly compose…transparency.  Learning to be real with each other.
 
It was great from the start as we got up to this scenic bunkhouse on a lake.  Came with a kitchen and huge meeting room.  Rustic…nice touch.  Out in “the country”…with no distractions.  No nearby interstates with cars rushing past or horn-honking.  Just nature, impeded only by the view of the couple buildings at this little out-of-the-way retreat center.
 
The first evening can be best summed up as…intense.  Strangely enough, there were only 15-20 of us on this retreat.  We’d planned on three times that many from the town of Slidell…but God wanted this one small apparently for a special reason we’d soon become aware of.  Intimacy.
 
After an intense period of worship and some teaching, we gathered into a prayer circle.  After several others prayed, I opened my mouth starting to mouth a nondescript prayer.
 
But then it poured out.
 
The words of a Bleach song sum it up well.  The name of the song is “Tired Heart,” and it opens with a melancholy, toned-down, steel guitar riff and then plods softly into the line “I haven’t felt good in months.”  That’s how I’ve felt.  The passion I had for God doesn’t seem the same.  I’ve struggled with nervous/anxiety since late February for no apparent reason.
 
Before long, in this circle of dear, dear friends…I found myself rambling.  I just poured my heart out to God and was talking a mile a minute…until I slowed down to realize.  I prayed out loud, “I’m sorry Holy Spirit.  I haven’t rambled like this for much too long…have I?  I’m so sorry.  I haven’t been transparent.  I haven’t been real with you or those I know. I’m sorry, Lord.  I’m so sorry…”
 
And the tears began to pour.  I don’t often cry…but strangely enough, I was not embarrassed to just cry before these people.  They were bitter tears.  I knew in that moment that God just wanted to hear me.  He had been wanting me to ramble to Him about my feelings.  He had been wanting for me to just weep.  He wanted me to weep not to condemn me…but so that I could be comforted.
 
God’s Spirit must’ve been strong…I had every intention of not letting anyone know the internal struggle.  Of just kidding and goofing around on this retreat.  The opening tones proved me wrong. 
 
By the time supper was over and we gathered back for a candlelight worship service in a rustic meeting room, everyone was focused.  We’d all determined earlier that this retreat…was going to be different.  We were going to be real with each other…and real with God.
 
Dear reader, I cannot tell you how strong God’s presence was last night.  I cannot accurately compose the peace that surpasses natural understanding.  My vocabulary fails me for a way to express how every face there was lit up with a desperate look of urgency in seeking God.  The teaching was on true worship…our lifestyles.  Collectively, as the word and worship ended, we agreed that everyone in the room had been going through a “dry spell”.
 
Each person in a semicircle of chairs took a turn being transparent.  Each of us came clean and confessed before others what we needed God to deliver us from.  I was ready this time.
 
Reader, what you probably don’t know about me is my struggle, my inner conflict.  People have complimented me a lot the fast few years.  Academically, etc.  But mainly, such things as “Josh, you are such an encouragement to me”…awesome young man of God and several other things that I’ve lately considered piles of *crap*.  You see, I feel like the author of a song named “King or Cripple.”  He declared the meaning behind the song.  People were complimenting him, telling him how God was using him, but he knew in his heart that he wasn’t where he should’ve been.
 
That’s how it’s been with the  people in this youth group.  Somehow people have been encouraged by me…but I don’t understand.  Because for most of 2004 I’ve had a sudden onset of a battle with low self esteem and generally being down on myself.  And I’d been concerned…”what will people think of me now if I confess this stuff?”  Well.  Tonight I confessed all that came to mind that God has been dealing with me over:  pride, anger, insubmission to authority, self-condemnation, fear, anxiety, nervousness, lack of passion for Jesus, and other stuff.  I’m concerned about my future.  I’m concerned about when I leave for college…will I still seek God…or will I abandon the faith laid as a foundation for almost 18 years now.  I just poured it out.
 
After that, we separated into groups of the males and the females.  I have never ever ever…in my entire life…seen such honesty amongst a group of young Christian guys.  To honor the privacy of the content revealed, I will simply say things were confessed there…it took great courage to confess.  And we lifted each other up in prayer. 
 
After this serious evening of transparency, at 1 a.m. there was one thing left to do.  Brush your teeth and…
 
…Stay up for 3 more hours to have pillowfights, “puppet shows” and really weird conversations, and lots of junk food.
 
I’m writing this on less than 4 hours of sleep..
 
Breakfast was delicious the next morning.  There was another morning session, then lunch.
 
But before lunch, me and a couple guys grabbed a boat and decided to take it onto the lake.  The thing was there were no oars.  I don’t know what we thinking (or not thinking) to launch the boat without anything capable of rowing.  The concrete boards proved capable of only spinning us in circles eventually to knock us back against the shore.  What followed was both mayhem and extreme fun.  A couple of tree branches became makeshift oars as we dug into the water and crossed the small lake singing gospel hymns about “going to the other side”, “going on in Jesus’ name” …and in general having weird dude conversations.  What’s a weird dude conversation you may ask?  I don’t know, I guess I just coined a new phrase.  Just think about it.  It makes sense.  If you’re a guy, you probably know what weird dude conversations are.
 
When we reached the “other side,” we had actually encountered a swamp.  The biggest toad any of us had ever seen leapt into the water.  With its legs extended, it was easily 2 feet long, and the thickness of the body was about as big as the top of a small person’s head.  Now, we already realized that there was a resident gator (alligator) in this pond…and we figured that if the swamp we now faced grew toads that big…it might grow a hungry mama gator similarly big.  So we high-tailed it out.
 
I went back for another boating outing later on…this time I was with all girls…and you know what?  Okay, you women are about to get a victory.  While there wasn’t as much power available in terms of rowing, we seemed to stay on course a bit better.  Okay, stop chuckling, you’ve had your fun.
 
After much exploring, another afternoon session ending in some SERIOUS intercession (including spiritual warfare against abortion) and personal prayer for everyone there…we cleaned up and left.
 
I almost feel like I left a piece of myself there in Mississippi.  I felt like I was awakened…awakened in spirit soul and body.  My spirit had interacted with the other people there and felt God’s touch again.  I honestly don’t know how I’m going to handle going to college and not having my friends to hang with anymore…
 
…but I know this much now.  God knows…what I don’t know.  And I’m going to be transparent.  If we’re not going to be real about serving God, there’s no point in serving at all.  All I can tell you is that there is hope.  There really is hope.
 
If you’re feeling inexplicably depressed, anxious, tense, angry…there is hope.  It’s called a season.  It will soon pass.  You know what?  When I come out of this season of dryness in my walk with God…
 
…I believe I’m going to be more in love with Jesus than I’ve ever been.
 
…who knows.  I may finally lose it for good.  I may finally attain the status of Jesus freak.  That’s what I’m hoping for.
 
…if we lose our ability to hope…what hope is there?  So if you’re feeling down, don’t shut down just yet.  Hang on, my fellow young Christians.  We’re going to make some mistakes in living for God.  But I’d rather fall flat on my face trying…than staying in a safe zone and dying.
 
I’ll stop rambling to let you know that…if you’re feeling blue, ramble to God.  He wants to hear what you have a good ramble.  And afterward, he wants to dry the tears you’ve cried and give you a new insight on life, a new reason to live…
 
…and show you all over again the beauty of this new way to be human.
 
Loved by God
And
Love
And
Waiting on True Love,
Josh

Rock and Role

I usually pack my lunch when I go to work cashiering at Sav-A-Center food mart. Or my mom puts it together in a little lunch pack with an ice pack…it’s usually light, a sandwich, an orange/apple and a few cookies, with a bottled water. This is convenient for me because I don’t have to spend money out of my paycheck to feed myself while I’m working to make that paycheck. But hey, everyone needs (or wants) a treat every once in a while.

I sometimes walk across the parking lot to the McDonald’s on the corner of busy Gause Boulevard and not-so-busy Military Road. The intersection of these two streets could, I guess, be seen as the intersection of two different parts of Slidell, Louisiana: the rural Slidell and the urban. Gause extends for, I don’t know, 15 miles, maybe?...It’s the main street in Slidell. It seems most major businesses are located not far from it. On the other hand, Military Road (a nickname for LA Highway 1090) is a windy, mildly hilly road veering through various neighborhoods away from the bustle of “city” Slidell, which Slidell now is: a small city. But put the thought of the intersection of Gause and Military on hold for the moment.

As I walked into McDonald’s, I was really trying to decide whether I was going to get the Big Mac meal or the Big N’ Tasty. There was a time I would have called the latter the “Big N’ Nasty”, as McDonald’s never really floated my boat…but if I’ve wanted fast food while I’ve worked at Sav-A-Center, “Mickey D’s” is what’s right there, so Mickey D’s it has been. I’ve come to like McDonald’s a bit, I guess, though I prefer Wendy’s better. I walk in and the cashier is a bit frustrated, and reasonably so. She doesn’t know what the heck to do: she owes at least one customer money because she doesn’t have enough cash in her drawer. Tell me about it. That’s a perpetual problem when I cashier at the supermarket…employees who want to cash checks, Coinstar payouts, and customers who want cash back when using their debit card. And the managers come collect money from you, “sweeps” they call it, so you then don’t have enough money left in your drawer. But it really is necessary that they do cash sweeps so that you don’t keep so much in your drawer that you’re asking to get robbed.

Anyhow, as I ordered my #6 combo (I’d decided to get the Big N’ Tasty meal), I realized I’d need $16.38 back after giving the cashier a 20-dollar bill. She already owed someone else 5 bucks, now she owed me sixteen…”because,” she explained, “people always give me twenties (dollar bills) and I don’t have any more change to give!” I empathize, girlfriend. So someone comes juggling some money and I get my change. I smile and say there’s no need for apology, it is crazy. That’s one thing I’m learning about the world of business: it’s pure lunacy.

Let me break my stream of consciousness writing style again to go back to another time I visited this McDonald’s. The shift manner was cursing the daylights out of the fast food industry because, for one, the Pizza Hut on the same corner (yes I know, everything in my world seems to exist at this intersection, but it doesn’t) , the Pizza Hut ran out of cheese one night, and you know what they told this shift manager?! “Sorry, ma’am, we can’t deliver your pizza because we’re OUT OF CHEESE [emphasis added].” As the manager then went on to point out (and curse out), Sav-A-Center, where I work, is 200 footsteps at most away from the Pizza Hut…why couldn’t that Pizza Hut employee or another one have gone down to the supermarket to buy some cheese so they could stay open for business?! The shift manager then went on to lambaste the fry dudes and burger-flipping homies for not having their shirts tucked in. Point being what we all know, the fast food industry breeds weirdness, not just tasty food.

Anyhow, I got my food and cheerily walked to a table to say grace and chomp away. I had forgotten to get my drink, though, so I got up to fill my plastic cup with Barq’s root beer. On the way to the soda fountain, I started to take in my surroundings. I noticed it seemed someone had put up imaginary walls in McDonald’s…it seemed that there were about 6 different people groups there.

The most obvious was the group of basketball “punks” from across the street at the local health club. These boys are bad 2 the bone (or will swear by their mothers they are at least) and you better stay out the way. They’re, generally, carousing and even (*surprised face*) harassing a manager, which she seems to be in the mood for, so the humor was appreciated. As I sit down, I notice this huge group of guys leaves and there still are four in a corner not eating but playing cards, and slapping each other in jest…hmm, must’ve been a couple junior high kids in that group. ;)

Next, I noticed a couple guys in the restaurant who would fit my category. Working class, blue collar. A bit more soberly, they take humongous bites out their burgers and kind of just eye the world and are reserved. I probably seemed the same way in the restaurant, observing and generally chilling out during my lunch break.

Then there was a couple in there…looked like they could’ve been dating. I don’t think McDonald’s is the most romantic of options out there, especially this one, but is sure is practical. (If you’re a guy reading this, you probably agree; if you’re a girl, you’re probably thinking I need to get a life if I think I’m going to court a girl and take her to Mickey D’s. I never said anything about ME taking a girl to a fast food restaurant, calm down.)

Then there were the “family types.” Moms with little kids. I mainly saw them on the other side of the glass, in the indoor playland, separated from the other people groups. I’ve always thought there was something special about seeing the “stereotypical” young American mother with her little kids running around. It’s a bit of a natural high for me, I guess, as it’s a hint that maybe, just maybe, there’s a normal family situation there. But then again, maybe not. Maybe these kids are bastards. I don’t mean that in a cursing sense. I’m referring to this fatherless generation: excuse me while I get ticked off about my fellow males who don’t give a rat’s tail about the woman they impregnated or the kids he left her to tend. Jesus, help this generation. Where there is no father, there is an unbalanced situation. Kids need that strong male authority present to provide character…both sons and daughters need it. From the little I’ve seen at my young age of 17, sons without a Father become delinquent-prone or lacking a manly, responsible attitude, and daughters don’t get a good example of what a true man is, and turn into “man-eaters,” and allow guys later on in life to run over them like a Mack truck.

It seems there was a fifth group I’m not remembering, but this is enough to demonstrate. Interesting what it takes to bring people from various economic backgrounds and social structures together…it took a burger fries and a coke. Strangely enough, we all love fast food, don’t we?

While I was eating, I did think also about what I was eating. It tasted great. However, I did think about the kids who were preparing the food, too. Possibly, the tomato on my burger had been dropped on the floor before being plopped back on the bun. If someone didn’t clean the fry thingy, I could have bacteria on my fries. Or a host of other insanity food preparation practices that I don’t know of because I haven’t worked in the industry. Not to mention the nature of the food. Although I’m skinny, and I’m in no danger of becoming fat (now anyhow), we all know the case of the man who sued McDonald’s because…he’d gotten fat. The food just ain’t good for you, that’s no secret.

I also thought about the soda as I got another refill before I left to go back to work. I almost felt guilty getting another refill, thinking “I think it’s free refills, I hope…” but then I thought about something else. “How much does it actually cost them to sell this stuff to me anyhow?” What is there that costly about this beverage? What really makes a soda aside from the artificial flavors that distinguish, for example, a Sprite from a Coke? It’s the carbonation. Let’s be honest: none of us would get soda cravings if there wasn’t that “bite” to it, that fizz. Try a flat Coke. Uh-huh. Quite unpleasant. So, if it’s the carbonation that is literally at times killing us … and obsessing us … and if carbonation is the thing that characterizes soft drinks… let’s think about how much it costs to put carbonation in a soda. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yeah. It can’t cost too much. They must be reaping huge profits on soft drinks while we poor human souls are addicted to the buzz, the “bite” of a soda on our tongues.

I could go on and on about things there are to think about the fast food industry … the fact that it’s mostly teens employed, they get mistreated…injuries are frequent…employees get terminated at a higher rate than any other industry…and the reason is because of a book I’ve been reading. I’m required to read Eric Schlosser’s FAST FOOD NATION before I get to LSU this August. And it’s eye opening.

Remember how I mentioned the intersection of Gause Boulevard and Military Road at the beginning of this post? Yeah. It’s where the urban and the rural collide. Few things bring us together…but food surely does. As Rally’s advertises, “Ya gotta eat.” Whether you live in a mansion or a shack, you’ve got to eat, and the fast pace of our society demands that, at times, we eat out fast food. Face it. Your employer gives you a 30-minute lunch, you don’t have time to run home and make yourself a lunch, honey! And you didn’t have time to make a lunch…much less have anywhere on the job to store it!

Fast food. What would we do without it? I wouldn’t have been able to have lunch today if there wasn’t Mcdonald’s, because honestly I hadn’t had time to make my lunch today. What would we do without fast food? And what could we do without it? We could be healthier, safer, etc. But it’s the nature of our society.

What’s the point of all this? Maybe it’s just to make this observation: I’m always hearing about the wave of the future. Computers will simplify our lives, make things go faster. So will fast food. Problem is, that’s false thinking. The faster our society goes, the FASTER everyone is expected to perform. Now we’re stuck in a rut where people are committing suicides at higher rates, crime is up, people are so tired they can’t function, we work on Sundays and Saturdays … all because of the speed of our society. Is it a stretcher to blame all our troubles on fast food and computers and the high speed nature of the world? Maybe. But maybe it’s a big problem…maybe it’s not the leading cause of crime, etc…but it surely isn’t helping things as once promised a century before I was even born.

Don’t be deceived. Just because we have computers and conveniences, doesn’t mean our lives are more convenient. We move at a faster pace than at any time in human history … and for WHAT? What in the heaven above or earth beneath are we accomplishing? Life is not simpler…it’s more complicated. Believe me, I’ve been thinking about my cashier position, too. What would we do if the whole scanning system in every store across America failed? Huh? WE WOULD DIE OF STARVATION! There wouldn’t be enough people or common sense to sell items on an individual, manual basis! Everything’s coded.

So what if everything blows? The problem is, it will. Read your Bible. The judgment of God on earth is going to make things pretty hairy…it will put a new meaning to the phrase “hell on earth.” So in the meanwhile, though, dream on if you want…

…and think that everything is peachy.

Strange bit of thinking that was writing this. But it’s therapeutic to actually think about what’s going down every once in a while.

“Stop, hey, what’s that sound, everybody look what’s going down…
What’s going down, tell me what’s going down, I wanna know just what’s going down…”

We’re a rock n’ rolling nation, aren’t we? Always on the go. If you just read that long, sleep-inducing piece of junk I just typed, you’ve thought a little about the role of fast food in making a society unhealthy and being supported by a society that can’t stop long enough to catch its breath. Now think about what our role is in continuing to buy fast food and supporting this madness…

…but don’t think too hard…because if you’re like me: even after thinking how bad the fast food industry is for us, you’ll shake yourself and be saying “double size it” pretty soon. It just tastes so good! Haha.

Rock on,
Josh

Religious Pride

We don't seek God's face because we are good. We seek Him because we are NOT good and in need of Him.

We do notn read the Bible as a sign we have it all together. We need to read the Bible with the understanding we do NOT have it all together.

...the same is true for everything we do in serving God. I can't count how many times non-Christians have told me something like, "Oh you're religious" etc. and are under the impression we're better off because of a religious *activity* we are doing like praying, Bible reading, talking about God, etc. In a sense, yes, we've been redeemed, so we're better off ... but not better off because we're BETTER. Just better off based on the merit of Jesus Christ, not ourselves. Therefore, let's not pat ourselves on the back just because we are doing a few good works. We're not doing good stuff because of who we are, but because of who God is. And these works can't save us anyhow, they're a mere outgrowth of faith.

My Prayer

Lord, could You show me what I came here to do? Please help me find out where I fit in establishing your kingdom. Show me the part I need to be playing so I can accomplish the purpose for which I was birthed in the earth.