Josh..."A.D.D."?!

WHAT?!

I'm tired of hearing all these modern day claims of people who have Attention Deficit Disorder. I didn't totally believe the syndrome even exists, but...

I was thinking to myself after I nodded off due to boredom in my WWII History lecture today. I told my friend Crystal afterward that I have so much trouble staying awake in that class, since it's after lunch. Her response was "you're always nodding off like that." Hmm. I started thinking about that.

I currently do have problems paying attention. In class, in church, in conversation with people. I tend to look from face to face, trying to focus on what everyone in a crowd of people are saying. "Hmm," I thought. "I must've developed this sometime in college. Let's see, this is depressing! Some one with my intelligence and potential unable any longer to focus on what is needful to succeed in society! Mmmm!!! Aaaah, no good, says I!"

I thought...

Must've happened last semester when I acquired a girlfriend. I became unable to focus in class, at times, thinking about how I love and miss her.
No, wait, that's not fair. Let's not make her that important (although she really is). Hmm, my entire sophomore year was plagued by that sort of problem. Must've been growing my hair out. That, combined with the beard...sure, right. That's logical.
No, I've got it! I remember. When I became a freshman in college, the opportunity for a social life expanded. Even back in the primordial days of Western Civilization, that beastly 6-hour Honors course...I had trouble paying attention during lecture and would have to ask for others' notes since mine were insufficient. I would have to go and read the textbook thoroughly for Microeconomics my freshman year to reteach myself what I missed in class.
Hmm...is that totally honest?! Shoot. Even in highschool...wait. Yeah, in Mrs. Treese's AP Chemistry as a high school junior, even. Pfft. The number of times I had to go home and look over stoichiometry rules that I somehow missed in class. No doubt, I was able to teach it to myself sufficiently so as to be the best in the class. But geez...did I wander off that much!? Yeah, I sure did.
Junior high...huh, the picture seems about the same. I even would sing praise and worship songs in my head in 8th grade earth science with Ms...Ms...um...Ragas, yeah.
5th grade, home school....um, I would hang upside down from my chair when mom was trying to review spelling words with me.
Okay, let's be brutally honest. I must have an attention problem. In first grade it got me into trouble almost. Ms. White's class, ah, I remember now!! Ha ha. The first day of class she spent HALF THE DAY explaining class policies and her little rewards system. I totally zoned out. When she told me to "go pull a bear from the wall" or something I just stared back at her in disbelief. "Rememeber what we talked about earlier?" "No, not really." Hmmm...

Gah! That frustrates me. Why can't I have a naturally good attention span. I don't know. If I could focus better, combined with my intelligence I could probably be a lot better at life than I am now. I could read my books faster, for sure. Oh well. It's ironic that I've still made great grades all my life with this problem. Shows that one can have a disorder and still work through it, press through it.

I'm learning to accept the deficiencies along with the talents I have and love my whole self. After all, God made me with the idiosyncracies I have, so I'm leaving it up to Him to overcome them and do something good. I'm learning to accept these things and work with the situation, with who I am. As my friend Christine's song goes, "It's where I'm going."