My Encounter With Happiness

After 2 six-hour college courses where we read literature and studied various philosophies of how to attain to the ultimate good, Happiness, I had become pretty bummed out. All this time, and I had no tangible evidence of Happiness in my life! Well, everything changed today. As I was awoke this morning to a hearty breakfast of Weedies, made from whole weeds...let me pause to say that I had been of late using the Henry David Thoreau method of trying to find happiness: deprivation. So as I was finishing up my veggi-licious breakfast, lo an behold, Happiness showed up, with his big bright yellow self. We stared at each other for quite some time. I looked at him with a confused look while he just, well, ...smiled. As a matter of fact, Happiness would continue to smile through our entire day together!!

Anyhow, I'd expected Happiness to be a woman for some reason, but he turned out androgynous. Of course, as I'd been anticipating our meeting for some time, I fumbled my words in anxiety when I first opened my mouth. I tentatively offered, "I-I-I'm-m-m, J-Josh." All Happiness did was smile. In a sudden gesture of friendliness Happiness came and sat down at my side. "What an altruist!" I thought. "He's sat down next to me to assuage the tension of our first meeting." I sat there wondering if he'd ever turn and look at me. He didn't, so I glanced to the side to see what he was doing. He was just sitting staring off into space, smiling. I've never seen anyone to really epitomize "all smiles."

When I was starting to wonder when my great master would speak his words of wisdom, he finally squeaked out in a Don Knotts voice, "This will be an intense experience. Think the saddest thoughts you can, now!" I immediately thought of the time my pet aardvark had choked to death on a 99 cent chimichanga. This launched me into spasmodic weeping, many tears being cried into the ball of Happiness. Happiness was again gracious, ignoring the drool and random boogers emanating from my nostrils. He kept whispering "Catharsis, Catharsis" in such a soothing way, I thought it must be the name of a girlfriend in a past life of mine or something.

The torrent of tears suddenly stopped as quickly as they'd started. Happy Man next smiled at me and said, "Now, you have been purged of sadness. Think the happiest thought you can think of, and your transformation will begin. You will soon become happiness itself." Just like a housefly crawling out of a pile of droppings wouldn't, a beautiful thought came floating out of the pool of my many thoughts. Almost in a trance, I looked into the mist of my thoughts and saw two men running through the countryside, beating two halves of coconut together. I immediately began to laugh with a hilarity that shook the place of my habitation. Unbeknowst to me, Happiness had started drifiting away!

I turned and looked around desperately wondering where my new friend / sensei had gone!! I expected feelings of sadness to flood me, but I felt so happy! Maybe I should have felt guilty to be feeling happy when Happiness had left, but oh poppycock enough of that. The short of it is that I soon looked in the kitchen window, and upon seeing my reflection, discovered that I had become Happiness. Or Happiness becomes me. Happines became me, rather-tually. Anyhunkadoodle, I felt a little more air-headed, and my smilelicious face was making me declarannounce randomizationalicious thingabobs, but at least I was happified. I had finally foundiscovered Happiness and ...whoa.

My younger sister was the first other human being to notice my transformation.