Wild Ride

Life since my last audio post has been...interesting (wild).
Drove back home Saturday to do laundry, then go to my old high school's 2nd annual Campus Jam. I led the Passion4Purity group there last year and was going back to help out with the Jam, but also to see if growth had occurred. And surely it did. We had twice the attendance of last year and I thought a better event, consisting of everything from live worship, breakout groups, skits, dancing, and speakers that were out of this world. Some of the students in the crowd were no-doubt what I like to call "plastic Christians"...and there was a message that applied to them in addition to the unsaved. To try to quote directly from Joe Badon's message, "Joash was trying to please Jehoiada. Joash served God but then stopped laboring for God when Jehoiada died..........It's time for us to consider why we're serving God. Are we serving God for our parents, our youth pastor, cause our friends are doing it.........you think you can impress your youth pastor and appear to be serving God at church..when you have pornography on your computer at home and go ahead and have sex and you and your girlfriend masturbate together."
I didnt' get back to LSU till 3:30 a.m. Rough ride..trying to stay awake. Night driving is not cool. Asleep at 4:45 a.m. to wake up four hours later for church. I collapsed for 1.5 hours to sleep this afternoon, then went to my 2nd dance class. We wrapped up the foxtrot and I have to say I was feeling pretty confident dancing by the end. Dancing is quite rewarding.
The LSU XA resource meeting tonight can be summarized as the Holy Spirit cutting up..and yes there is a double entendre there. Pastor Nick gave a prophetic message expressing God's anger at sin that needs to be dealt with and the need for cleansing. I prayed silently as leaders did the gutsiest thing one can do: repent before a group of people. It was rough stuff tonight. But God got us all back on track.
I'll tell you what. The day that I can no longer be convicted of sin by the Holy Spirit is the day that I am in danger of damnation. That's true for all of us. Though it hurts, I'd rather have Jesus cut me....than ignore me and let me die in my iniquity.

A Day in the Life of The Bean +napoleondynamiteimpression

POSH!

I am re-injecting the word "posh" into the bloodstream of Baton Rouge linguistical patterns. It seems no one around here has heard the word "posh"! Thus, the Bean has made it his personal goal to reintroduce this word to society.

What a posh evening! My roomate Jorge came to The Gathering tonight, along with Dominique and Kelly. How cool to be able to introduce my friends, a Honduran, a Venezuelan and a Haitian to everyone! They seem to have enjoyed themselves.

After The Gathering I left with a bunch of other XA-ans to go see the tail end of the B.A.Holloway concert. Boy were they rocking tonight! Clicks Billiards. Wish I could have seen the whole thing. I can't wait till their first full-length album is released! Of course, I'm glad I rode in Michelle's car there and back because everyone in the car was wonderful company and...Michelle and I were singing along to her Coldplay CD! I couldn't believe she likes Coldplay! Posh!

Blast from the Past

• Getting back into the habit of waiting till the last possible moment to do laundry. I haven't washed any laundry for 2 weeks and since I'm going home to do laundry I didn't want to do ANY or give ANY money to those laundry machines. Therefore I made a trip to Wal-Mart to buy another towel and some undergarments to last me a couple more days.
• Getting back to weight-lifting. Got nauseated first day, popped my arm out of joint second day. Oh that I'd not been sedentary over Christmas.
• Getting back to praying with Zach weekly! Power!
• Left a message on my old roomate Thomas' answer phone yesterday. He called earlier this evening about 10:30 and he picked me up, we went for coffee and beignets and chatted for a good while. Assessment: He's doing fine and I'm still as crazy as when he knew me before.

PRO-LIFE DEMONSTRATION VANDALIZED

On Saturday, January 22, the 32nd anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the decision in America that made abortion fully legal, LSU Students for Life, a pro-life group, set up a peaceful protest on the parade grounds of LSU. Fully legal and legitimate, the protest was students simply planting approximately 4,000 crosses to symbolize aborted fetuses. Over the weekend, 3,000 (75%) of those crosses were either stolen or damaged, with others knocked down and rearranged to spell out "pro-choice." The crosses were private property, belonging to the St. Mary and St. Joseph Family Memorial Foundation, on loan to Students for Life. This is the most severe vandalism any LSU abortion protest has received, yet the police did not make any arrests when several vandals were caught red-handed. The fact is that the lines are drawn for quite a ruckus to be stirred if the university does not properly handle this vandalism and treat it with the same respect any other.

CLICK HERE to read the full story, which made the front page of LSU's nationally-accredited college newspaper, The Daily Reveille. As soon as I have proper contact information I will be voicing my opinion about this situation. If you would be interested in e-mailing the proper LSU contacts about our stand concerning proper action being taken to set this aright, please respond in the comments section of this post, and I will e-mail you when I have those contacts.

THE (dancing) BEAN.

First, you may have noticed that The Life and Times of Joshua Clayton Blog is now TLATOJCB EVOLUTION: The Life and Times of Joshua Clayton THE BEAN.

Secondly, I must not be referred to as a "jumping bean." Bleh. After church today (and Jorge came with me to First New Testament/ yay! :-)), at 5 p.m. I attended my first of 6 ballroom dancing class sessions. Therefore, I am a "dancing bean," not a jumping one.

Foxtrot today. Basically the aim being to move in correct form around the room in a circular motion without bumping into each other and looking awkward. I successfully accomplished all of that, minus the "without bumping into each other and looking awkward" bit. Me and four other guys in a class of 50 were the only single guys and we were nervously laughing at the beginning. My introduction to the class was, "Hey I'm Josh Clayton, business management freshman, I, just like the other guys here, don't know what the heck I'm doing here. I was bored one night at 2 am and signed up for this." (My cover up for not wanting to admit...I wanna learn to dance, baby.)

Stay tuned...

BBQ

Slept from 4 til 4 (am to pm) if you can believe it! 4:30 Pat calls me and says there's a barbeque at Zack's, so I call up and John and we take my Buick and get there after 5:00. Great food, time of prayer, fellowship, and then we had an arm-wrestling match. Over the Top and all that. I actually won a couple matches! And no, the moon is not blue tonight...oh wait. **peers through blinds**, hold on a second...
Then we watched...GLADIATOR!...for the umpteenth time. Umpteenth is good of course, since this is my favorite movie of all time. We finally got to see the 15 minute film we'd made for Kent, for his class. It was quite amusing...and featured me in a small part as a rebellious math student who did a funky dance upon converting a mixed number to an improper fraction correctly. Everyone appears to like my "hooptie." I prefer to call it the MXB, Most Excellent Buick.
The streets of Baton Rouge are a better place to be.........because of the MXB.

To close on a somber note, let's discuss genocide. Today is yet another anniversary for Roe v. Wade. If it wasn't for abortion, you may have had an extra friend who would turn out to be your best mentor. There would be millions of more people on earth...some of whom would make outstanding contributions to the arts, medicine, the Church...

Arrrgh! Castle and Bowser's Castle

At 8:00 p.m. I was bored so I called Zeke..."what you up to? I'm not trying to invite myself over, but...well I'll be honest I'm inviting myself over, can I come over?"

The rest is history. Tollie soon showed up, followed by Timothee. While they talked I popped in Super Mario Bros. 3. What a classic! For the next 3 hours I played the game and made it to World 7, then they popped in Monty Python and the Holy Grail which I'll admit to having seen for the first time. Ni! Ni! Ni! Being the patron of dry humour that I am and one obsessed with the British accent and method of expression...

After pizza, oreos, coffee, talk, a movie, not getting past World 7 on Mario and feeling whipped at 3 a.m., I drove back to campus and actually got a parking spot within a block of the dorm this time. Jorge's still awake to my surprise. I'm going back to Zeke/Tim's to finish Mario tomorrow. Since I have such an important objective before me, I must rest up now.

Rock Stars of the Year

If rock n' roll is about kicking against the status quo, then these boys are doing it. Check out the band B.A. Holloway, a local Baton Rouge group. These guys are Christians, several are in XA. They placed 2nd at LSU's Battle of the Bands and will be playing at the popluar Click's billiards soon. They know how to incorporate questions and answers of faith in a way challenging to believers and non-. In the past they rocked out with just Adam and Chris doing acoustic guitar, now they've evolved into a 4-man band with a black lead singer who's showing folks that diversity rocks. If nothing else, I can't wait for their new album, so check out this video of their practice of These Shoulders.

Revenge of the Ma-Ya-Hi

Some of you may remember when I popted about the famous LegOzone Music Video.

Well if you haven't watched it click the link and do so already! Gosh.

But for those of you ready to enter the next level of unconsciousness, I have stumbled across another aristic intrepretation of this foreign pop classic. Click here for the return of Ma Ya Hi.

Well THAT was random.

Long day today (I'll get to the random part). Up at 8 am, Medieval Civ. seminar at 9. Discussed Genesis 1-4 today in detail. It became quickly obvious who were the ones with Christian beliefs in the group and several of us including myself debated about these issues in an environment critical of a view of the Bible as inspired of God, at best. I was nervous at first, but like the others, once you openly discuss something with the professor, you can't shut up...
In class till noon, work from noontil 4:30. Then by the time I'd gone for a 3.5 mile run, run an errand, talked to a couple people on the phone and hung out with some friends I ran into, I was eating dinner after 7, where I happened to sit by a dude I knew who introduced me to this other girl. We started talking. Before she left, she invited me to some party at a guy's house. I was like "okay maybe, I've got chi alpha tonight," etc., but she persisted and was so nice...I assented there was a chance, maybe. In the back of my mind, I was like, "Josh you need to study not go to a freaking party, why the heck do you smile and just let chicks wall over you." I put that aside, finished eating, had a quite time with God, went to XA, had a great time, socialized some, then...here comes the random part.

It's almost 11:30. I'm like okay, I'm call this girl. So I call and randomly as a joke say "Lauren? This is your long-lost cousin, Josh." I let her be mystified for only 10 seconds before I remind her we met in the cafeteria. She gives me directions. I'm not knowing what to expect as I get there 15 of midnight, with my car parked under a bridge. If the booze is flowing freely and it's nasty I'm out, I think. So I walk into this dude's cram-packed apartment. Lauren introduced me to loads of people, who introduced me to other people, who...
I chatted and munched on a cookie. I'd avoided the brownies as I still have this latent fear of the "special genre." Sizing up the crowd, it was a nice bunch of folks. Then I randomly ran into two girls I'd met earlier in the medieval civ. class...who took the Christian point of view with me. I point blank asked this girl Emily about her beliefs and of course the rest is history, we talked for twenty minutes or so and it was cool. Blah blah...meet other people. Meet the owners. At some point Lauren left. I quickly realised I'd apparently found a fun-loving group of what seemed predominantly dedicated Catholics who like to hang out dance eat an stuff at this some cool dude's apartment on a regular basis. Emily and I had a really interesting conversation and agreed about a lot of spiritual issues...of course there were a few drinking there and we both discussed our decision to not drink, etc. I left after 30-45 minutes and then once I got on campus spent like 15 minutes trying to find a doggone parking place at almost 1 a.m.

So I'm still trying to sort out today. It was weirdly good. Lauren Emily and I laughed that it apparently was meant to be. So how do defending the Bible in med. civ., nice devout Catholics, and a kicking party fit together? Oh and of course doing more Napoleon Dynamite impressions. Matt at work and I went on forever quoting like 20 scenes from that movie.

Why did i even post this? Geez, it's nearing 3 am and I've got to be at work for 8 am. Bless!

Lafonda is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm convinced she's my soul mate. Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe for you out there somewhere. Peace out.

Can you bring me my chapstick?
No Napoleon!
But my lips hurt real bad!
Just ask the school nurse, I know she has like 5 sticks in her drawer!
I'm not gonna use hers you sicko!

Snow in the South

Glory!

My goal was to be under $400 but I have only had to spend $225 for books this semester!

Hero of the Week: Ali Salinas

Also..

I bought a Homestar Runner (see homestarrunner.com) poster and a "Footprints" poster and hopefully that's all I'll buy. But then Jorge and I were looking at a center portion of the room that was uncovered. I said, "yeah" and showed him this picture from the Passion of the Christ and said "I just wish there was a place we could hang it." (We can't nail holes in the wall of our dorm room.) Lo and behold we found a single solitary nail there and hung this picture up! So hopefully the first thing visitors will notice in the center is this scene of this lady's redemption and forgiveness through Christ.

Hurrah for class

First day of class this semester. Couldn't sleep much last night. Always antsy the night before class starts. First class, Medieval Civilization. Should be a real smash-up. I'm really exciting about reading Augustine's Confessions! There's really a lot of great literature we'll be studying. It's a 6 hour course, half lecture, half class discussion seminar. We all introduced ourselves in seminar and what-not today and I can tell Dr. Herndon will definitely keep things interesting.

Next I went to Music Appreciation. Large class. Should be enjoyable also. Matt McClure and my cousin Ryan are in there. It's pretty cool to have a class whose homework is partially listening to opera and classical CDs!!

Worked from 12-4:30. I'll probably work 11.5 hours per week this semester.
Dad met me for dinner.
Oh and signed up for a beginner's ballroom dancing leisure class! I'm a little nervous about it but looking forward to getting some culture.

In addition to Music Apprec. and Med. Civ., I'm taking Accounting and Communications Studies i.e. Speech.

So, yeah. 15 hours this semester. Good to be back in the swing of things.

Posters

LOTR Return of the King poster, The Incredibles movie poster, the names of Christ poster.
(Images MUCH larger than they appear.)

More posters

Part of Jesus poster, Coldplay album poster, and Gladiator movie advert poster.

Even more posters

Jorge's side of the room. LOTR's. Left: Fellowship poster with the two statue dudes. My favorite poster. Right: Return of the King characters. Far right: blank space. Soon to be huge U2 Joshua Tree poster.

Associated Press photo

Chillin' with my favorite actor, Russell Crowe.

24

This is weird because last I blogged 24 hours ago. I was getting in bed.
I wouldn't get to sleep till past 3 a.m. because of restlessness and loud partying people slamming doors in the hallway incessantly.
5:30 a.m. get up, drive Jorge to the bus terminal.
I was back in bed trying to get to sleep by 8 and slept past noon.
Went and bought a bunch of books today. Don't have them all yet, but it looks like this semester I may be able to keep the cost under $400.
I started running again today...3 miles around the lake. Now I know why I used to run. Not only is it rewarding, healthy, but also it clears my mind. Why the heck did I ever stop.
After I got back from dinner, I saw Zeke had called. I called him back, he picked me up, and he Tollie and I watched both the 1960's Ocean's 11 and the newer version. Sinatra is great, but I like the newer one much better. It's just so posh and glossy!
I sort of split-second decided for Zeke to pick me up so I can visit Hosanna for church tomorrow.

C.E.C. 1

Here's my brother John and I. Neither of us knew when the camera at Chuck E. Cheese's would flash, so we were caught off guard. Sort of looks like an album cover!

C.E.C. 2

This one is with my sister, Jessica.

"You have a crazy roomate"

What a day. Woke up at (!) 11 a.m., ate, read the Bible, all that.
My friend Zeke called at noon saying he needed me to pick him up from the Greyhound bus station. He was coming back from Tulsa, Oklahoma.
I got back about 1 o'clock and ate lunch with Pat at the Chick-Fil-A in the union. Apparently students are eating off their meal plans again, so, yay!
From 2 to 3 I destroyed a bunch of Adware and stuff from my computer (which is still however messed up)...
Just after 3 Jorge and I went to Wal-Mart and Office Depot to get groceries and supplies.
At 5:15 I met Pat at the REC for weight lifting and racquetball. Since I was sedentary over my entire holiday...the whole weight-lifting thing was quite revelatory. It revealed I was a bum and should have gotten off my bum a few times over the holidays.
Then Jorge and I ate pizza at Sandela's in the union, I came back saw a friend chatted, showered...and we ordered his Greyhound bus tickets. He has an aunt in Houston, Texas, and I need to leave at 5:45 tomorrow morning to drive him to the terminal, so I better go now. He'll probably come back Monday.
As for this post's title: that's what I always tell Jorge, in reference to ME. Especially since I kept referring to today as Saturday (when it's Friday) and I had a knack for not finding where I parked my car today...twice. ;-)

Back at LSU II

Indeed Jorge is a Christian! When he came back, we talked and hung out for about 3 hours. He's really easy to get along with! We both laughed as we confessed to each other that we both prayed for Christian roomates! He's part of the ELOP (English Language Orientation Program) at LSU. Basically, he'll be here for a semester taking classes to perfect his English. We get along great though. I can tell it's going to be an awesome semester.
After I showed Jorge around some and we talked for quite a while, he helped me hang up my posters...and I must say the room is looking quite posh! I shall have to post a picture sometime.
Well I lied in my last audio post. Forget the whole in bed by midnight thing.

Back at LSU

A Splash of Color

I got tired of my dorm room at uni looking very ... empty ... last semester. I embarked on a mini-campaign to acquire a few posters.
At Wal-Mart I got a The Incredibles movie poster and two LOTR's.
Just moments ago I received a package! (Always a treat!):

• LOTR with the two statues from the Fellowship OTR
• Coldplay AROBTTH album
• Names of Christ
• Gladiator movie poster

With soon to follow by mail because it was back-ordered, a 39" by 59" U2 Joshua Tree poster!!

Love in the Chords

Got back one hour ago from a Jason Morant concert at Victory Fellowship in New Orleans. I drove across Lake Ponchartrain and met my friend John and his twin sisters Katy and Beth at 6:30.

Two-hour acoustic worship concert. The guy is a true worshiper, a great lyricist, and a talented/creative musician (keyboard and guitar). He's kind of a local Christian musician hero, as he is a New Orleans native and recently released a debut worship recording, Abandon (which I am now listening to), through Vertical Music, a division of Integrity Music.

During one of many spontaneous worship segments, this one particular one with Jason at the piano, he started singing something to God like, "Hear the love I cannot utter in the chords I am playing, Lord." I started thinking about the power of music. God is ingenious. He has created several of what I'll call "hidden languages." One hidden language is mathematics (which I am not so fond of). Mathematicians get wild-eyed at algorithms, patterns that must always be true. Another such language is genetics. Something as small as chromosomal arrangement controls a multitude of aspects of each human born, everything from eye color to emotional tendencies.

The language that Jason was speaking of is that of music. How thrilled the first musicians must have been to discover that plucking certain threads stretched with different amounts of tension across certain surfaces created ... a melody! Each note, each chord, is nothing in and of itself. It is part of a hidden language. It is only when each note is put in the context of a song that it becomes ... music.

God must be mysterious! He loves to hide things for us to find. Psalm 18:11 He [God] made darkness his secret place; his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.
Romans 11:33 O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!
Ephesians 3:9 And to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the world hath been hid in God, who created all things by Jesus Christ.

THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE MYSTERY! Who needs the Fellowship of the Ring?!

Jason's statement about love being in the chords of his song also brought to mind a human life. My life is like a song. The deeds I do are the notes and chords forming the composition. What kind of song am I composing? Am I producing something off-key and ugly by sinning and denying Christ? Is there love in the chords?

If I only had the 'fro in addition to the specs...

Hey you guys-es, I found this pair of sweet glasses...a great DVD...and a newfound obsession. Gosh!

Alright now.

You know it's time to head back to uni when:

• Sitting around the house like a bum all day.
• Not making money
• Eager to run errands for mom all the time
• Making videos of your favorite scenes from Napoleon Dynamite with your brother (who you are keeping up past his bedtime)
• Learning piano looks like a new frontier.

Actually, as for the lattermost, I just picked up a piano book a couple hours ago and started teaching myself. Rejoice with me that I can play such talented pieces as Mary Had a Little Lamb and Ode to Joy. I'm going to go find how to play the Clocks intro. Actually, I'm gonna go all the way with this at some point because I instantly fell in love with that keyboard that had been sitting in the corner.
As far as the webcam videos...geez, they have an Audioblog feature, I wish they had a VideoBlog so we could all die laughing together.

Chillin'

Chillin'. That's a great world. Just like groovin', eatin', believin', etc. Question for my British readers: do you ever slaughter the English language as bad as Americans do?

Chillin' Saturday. I spent 4 hours with a bunch of high school friends over at Tiffany Harper's house. Matt and I got lost on the way there. You've got to understand about Pearl River: we're looking for Levi Crawford Road. "Matt, what did that sign say?" "No, this is JEFF Crawford Road!" Oh. Different Crawford road.

Tiffany is spear-heading Pearl River High's Passion4Purity's 2nd annual CampusJAM, a Christian event with an evangelistic thrust on campus. Consists of music, break-out discussion sessions, free food, speakers, skits, personal ministry, etc. for students. I spent some time hanging out with these guys tonight...they're doing a great job. It's great to go back and see what these guys are doing to maintain the Christian legacy at PRHS. January 29. I've got to keep my calendar open and come back to see this event. I'm so excited! I'm expecting God to do even greater things than last year.

Aside from that, we did a lot of goofing around, playing CatchPhrase, eating, and the like. I caught up with the fine folks there and colored a few poster adverts for the event.

Yawn. I'm so bored! I'm ready to go back to university...but without the classes! I don't want to go to class...I just want to get back into some sort of groove!

Walking With God

What's the greatest thing about serving God? Is it winning souls for Christ? Singing great worship anthems? Attending great conferences? Preaching to the masses? Great Christian fellowship? Understanding theological mysteries? I must confer with my dad. He was conversing with God one time, and he heard the Lord say to Him, "The greatest thing is just to walk with me."

Just to walk with God.

I walked into the bedroom over an hour ago to read the Bible. That didn't happen. I'll have to do that later.
What did happen is I poured out my heart to God and just...talked with Him! Just as I would talk to you, in a conversational tone.

At some point, I just started laughing out loud, laughing at the situation. Someone walking by would have thought I was nuts. I'm sitting alone laughing with God in a typing chair.

I think God relates to each of us as individuals, and therefore each of us should have a unique relationship with God. Really, in my opinion we are all "weird," in a sense. Nicely put, we are "individuals." ;-)

In case you are wondering what I was laughing about...
One of my unique ways of relating to God is that I usually pray in a conversational tone to God, and I was just laughing with God about my idiosyncracies and the wacky way I relate to Him.

Respond: When was the last time God heard from you? You're his child and naturally, He wants to build a relationship with you!

American Jesus

I was having a discussion with my parents. It was one of those "deep" ones.
"Sometimes, I feel screwed by my own country! I mean, I think of the suffering that other Christians face worldwide. And here in America, what is the worth of my relationship with God since I don't know anything about suffering?"
I also recently was saying that I wish I could travel to get an international perspective. I feel that the sacred truths of God I know...I know only through a cloudy glass. The haze is created through knowing God in the context of a certain image, an icon of Jesus, rather than the true person He is. I couldn't wrap my finger around it. But this bearded Jesus with brown hair and an absent-minded gaze as an icon was slightly unsettling. Sometimes I wonder if Christians are serving an idea of God or the person of God.

If I haven't put you to sleep as you sit in front of your computer screen, you may want to check out this article. I discovered it hours after I was on the subject with my parents. American folks, you may want to give this one at least a glance-over.

(See Last Post)

...which, I apologise, is somewhat garbled. No one ever said mobile phones were ideal. Or if they did, they were mistaken.

Anyway, that last audio post, as you recall, was from inside the movie theater before the show.

After the show, all I can say is,...you are looking at the blog of a dry humorist.

In other words, I found the movie to be a breakthrough for the world of cinema.

Lovely Lafonda, what a dynamite DVD to add to one's collection!!

Will I buy the DVD? "So maybe I will, GOSH!!"

Over the Weather

A random post

What am I supposed to title boring posts that result from boredom? Pfft. Whatever.

It's nice having a car and everything now. The feeling of independence in being able to drive myself around to take care of my own affairs is, well, good. Went to my first ever chiropractic visit today. It's no wonder I have constant headaches and neck pain. Doc says I had swollen muscles and all kind of stupid crud keeping me sore. Chiropractic appointments are weird and cool. I found out my back can pop in ways I never knew. No solution came out of it. Actually, I had temporary relief, but an hour later, I was sore as before.

Hooray for Chuck E. Cheese's! (where a kid...can be...a kid!) We went there in honor of my younger brother John's 7th birthday. It's quite a surreal environment. Dancing robotic animals, dozens of video games, kids running around chomping on pizza, bright lights, blah blah. I love it! I started thinking about how great it will be to spoil my kids at places like this.

However, I also got sad. I looked at all the parents around and considered the fact that for most parents, this is the extent of love they show to their kids: providing material things/experiences for them. Few parents spend time with their children, interacting with and loving on them. Even fewer offer the most important Element, a spiritual upbringing. If my kids never have a Chuck E. Cheese experience, I want them to feel the love of my spouse and I and have more than STUFF. I want to give them US.

John, Jess and I took a couple great pics from the party today and I'll post them in a couple weeks, once I re-hook up that scanner.

I need to go read the Bible. I'm finally doing one of those one-year read the whole Bible plans. Please, don't applaud me. Slap me for not seeking God enough before. Or maybe pray for me, I'll dispense with the slapping part.

The Singing Siblings

>me

Greater than me. The theme of The Uprising, which ended last night. I already did a couple of audio blog posts from when I was at the Uprising, so I'm not going to summarize or anything, but rather, give a list of some notes and writings I took while there.

Some tasty bits from Alicia Chole's message about suffering

• This generation (young) must be more concerned with whom they are following than where they are going.
• There's something about sharing in Christ's suffering that purifies power we possess.
• The mantle of Jesus is being handed to this generation, and it is a mantle woven with threads of suffering.
• In the scripture John 14:31, Jesus says, "Arise, let us go from here." In the Greek, that word "arise" has the connotation of a transition. Specifically, in this verse, a change of direction is indicated. God is telling his disciples "get up! let's get going!" Now, where is he telling his disciples to go? If you look a couple chapters ahead, it is the way of suffering. The way of the cross. Jesus is calling to our generation, telling us He must take us the way of suffering so we can be valuable to Him.
• As mapped out in John 18, places Jesus went (and we shall have to go..the road of suffering): 1. A co-worker's betrayal (Judas) 2. Restricted freedom 3. A friend's failure (Simon Peter) 4. Injustice 5. Physical emotional suffering 6. Rejection 7. THE CROSS.
• Jesus knew that great fruitfulness came out of great sacrifice.
• Jesus was confident that man was neither the author nor director of life.
• Jesus chose to let pain inspire, as opposed to intimidate, generosity. The more he hurt, the more he gave.
• Pain is either the opportunity to centralize or be emptied of one's self.
• Jesus placed every moment of His life--pleasant or painful--into the context of a Bigger Picture.
• To say we love Christ and not love those He died for is a mockery of God.
• Jesus did NOT die to afford us an opportunity to be offended by suffering.
• PUNCHLINE: To walk with Jesus is to walk His suffering. The real treasure in this life is not the scenery, but the Company.

"Pain"
Written during a time of prayer.

Oh I've seen the world
This old tired earth
I've heard children singing as they play
I've seen children die at birth

Oh I've seen the world
A moment we're part of
I've slowly become one with its futility
And I've grown ever numb

Oh I've seen the world
A mosaic coloured with
The hues of blood red skies
The pale tint of dreams that die
I'm left on the shore of beached and breached promises
And I stand here and I ask you why

What have I poured myself into?
What have you?

I don't like this place
Where is Your face
Keep my eyes to the skies
Before I forget grace

Food for thought

This is no writing. It is that Scott Martin in the final session challenged everyone in the room to give a year of their lives in missionary service to God. Not only do I think God wants me to do that...pieces of the puzzle of my life are starting to fit together. I'm starting to wonder if I'm not called to missions as a career. The concept always pricked me when I was younger, but I never expressed it. My parents and I talked. All I know is I'm going for a Business Mgmt. degree, I'll graduate, and God knows what happens from there.

It's up to this generation to work. What will be said of our generation? That we had great youth groups and attended great conferences? To quote the apostle Paul, "God forbid."

Talking to God with a paper and pen...

The words come with no feeling. The feeling arrives but there's no passion. I arrive to find I feel no passion in my words.

So here I am. But what good is that to You?
What good is a man torn in two?

I'm not sure I like being me.
I'm not sure I'll winter the next storm.
I'm not sure about who I am.
How could I be sure of who You are?

After all You've done for me, can I give you no more...
No more than aches and pains
Bruises and scars
Proof of my many failures
and my divided heart

I'd run if I knew where
I'd sing to You, but for this toxic air

Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.

Where do I go from here? Where does a man go to erase his greatest fear?

Okay, alright.
Hold on.
Help.
That's all.
Just help me.

For heaven over me is a concrete slab.
My prayers fall back down...
Looks like I need your Spirit to help me overcome gravity.

Jesus, if nothing else...

hold me.
Let me know I'll be with You forever.
Tell me about the way this all ends.
Remind me please.

Somebody sing a song about happiness.
Wait, never mind.
God, just endow me with gladness.
Forgive me for my angry thoughts.
I'm sorry.
Turn my pain into a love song.

A final writing, written during a worship segment. I suddenly felt detached from the whole worshipy scene thing and looked around me...

I look out across the rolling sea
Hands, faces, hearts aglow.
In my single, solitary place...
What do I look like as You look down?
Sometimes I feel as if I
I just want to be moved again,
moved again.
Sometimes I know...
I should be on the move again.
And everyone around me is moving.
They go...
I know not where.
Perhaps I sit here in the quiet
Just because I'm waiting for Your arrival.
Oh, I could try and run after You.
But...
Which way would I run?
I can't go cause I see them go.
I can't sing cause I hear them sing.
Are You singing, are You going?
I'm afraid.
Afraid.
Afraid to be moved deeply any more.
Any more being deeply moved,...
And I might be deeply let down.
I'm so sorry.
Really.

I just can't do it again.
How can I?
How can I?
I'm not running through motions...
Where and when comes Your voice?
Until I hear it I am silenced by sorrow.
...
...
...
How can I not give You glory?
How can I not give You glory?
How can I not give You glory?
Love makes me do things
Myself could never let me do
Where do I go from here.
Into You.
Where else.

Happy New Year!